I enjoy watching many of the old “classics” on tv. I enjoy comedy and action shows the most. Some of my favorite comedy shows are The Honeymooners, All in the Family,  Fawlty Towers, and Sanford and Son.

My favorite actions shows include the old Westerns, which were created before political correctness, historical accuracy and reality took hold. 😬 Bonanza, Wanted Dead or Alive, Tales of Wells Fargo, and Gunsmoke are often playing during my viewing time.

I’ve no doubt seen most of the shows several times yet am drawn to them like a mosquito to a backside. You’d think I’d know better, still cursing the “bad guys”, before the “good guys” get them in line.

Of course, I am well aware that the starched shirt of Dale Robertson in Tales of Wells Fargo, might wilt a tad after seven days or more on the road.  And Chuck Connors head of hair might get mussed just a bit, during a brawl with two or three ne’er- do- wells.

Chester could sleep standing up

My “favorite” of all favorites is “Gunsmoke”, an action-packed Western that is probably the most realistic of all the old tv cowboy shows. Gunsmoke starred James Arness as Matt Dillon, a U.S. Marshal in Dodge City, Kansas. Co-stars Amanda Blake, as the lovely “Miss Kitty”, Milbourne Stone as the beloved “Doc Adams”, Dennis Weaver as the long suffering “Chester”.(replaced by Ken Curtis as the earthy “Festus”) along with a few others who filled out the cast.

Gunsmoke featured well written, realistic plots, and during it’s long run it covered most of the calamities that could occur in any human drama.

Nobody could irritate Doc more than Festus!

Having noted that the show was the “most realistic” of the genre; I will now discuss some of the things which I noticed, that were….. lets just say a bit curious?   😦

 Let’s start with Matt. Now a darn good marshall, honest fair and a good sport. But during the six hundred and some episodes, poor old Matt must have been shot about thirty times. (Providing Doc Adams with a nice cash cow)

Burt Reynolds filled in for a time

Considering the status of medical care during that time, surviving only five gunshot wounds would be amazing. If you didn’t die from the initial trauma, you were very likely to die from either infection or the quality of the care. Nuff said.

Besides getting shot over two dozen times, Matt must have been in at least two hundred fist fights. And yet, he had a perfect set of teeth, a nice straight nose, and ears as smooth as a lambs. Between getting shot all the time, and fighting, Mat should have been the one with the limp, not Chester!

Another issue regarding Matt, were the many beers he started at the Long Branch without finishing. He barely got two sips out of his glass, before getting called away on duty. You’d think every drunk in Dodge city would have followed him into the saloon, just waiting for him to walk away from another tall one on the bar. All that beer paid for and untouched, no wonder Miss Kitty loved him. She probably bottled it up and resold it!

 (We’ll have more on Miss Kitty in another article. 😉)

But first, more on Matt. I have another bone to pick with him, this time relating to his duties. I cannot recall how many times Matt headed out to someone’s place to do some investigating, returning the same day. Now some of these ranches or farms were close to town, but many were five, ten or more miles away. Now that would be no big deal for Andy Taylor, Barney Fife or any “modern day” law enforcement officer. Just jump in the old cruiser and off you go. But on horseback, you’re talking about a ride of two hours or more each way, depending on road and weather conditions.  Add to that the time to tend the business he went out on and one trip like that shoots the hell out of a workday, even in 1875 Kansas. (Meanwhile, Chester’s fast asleep back at the office and Dodge City is going to hell!  😴)

And more on Matt’s traveling habits. Occasionally Matt had to leave Dodge to chase down bad guys on the run, pick up prisoners or attend important meetings somewhere. Sometimes, the bad guys or pick up were all the way to Mexico, a distance of over 600 miles! A rider might be able to cover 30 miles per day, in good conditions. That’s a 20 day trip, each way. Miss Kitty ain’t gonna stand for that, I can tell you. 😉

One last observation, this one involving the Long Branch. Now keep in mind, sanitary conditions and hygiene in the old West were possibly not up to the standards of your average wolf pack. So it’s mid-July in Dodge City, and about ninety eight degrees. There’s a gang of buffalo hunters, cattle drovers, perfumed saloon girls along with Festus and family all packed into that modest little establishment. I don’t have to draw a picture do I?  🥴

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