Life as a Human

Some lighthearted quips, harvested from Joe’s many trips around the sun; more will be added from time to time  🙂

 

 

 

 

*Been sitting on a stash of classified documents, so I turned myself in to the FBI. (Garage needs a good cleaning)  😉

 

 

 

 

*Never thought I had the smarts to run the government, but apparently others with the same short-comings are giving it a try. 😛

 

 

 

 

 

*I’m not excessively bright, but I like to read stuff by those who are.   🙂

 

 

 

 

*They should have a driving lane just for us older folks. It could be called the Dowat Lane. (Do whatever you want, any time you want, cause we don’t know where the hell we want to go, or what we want to do when we get there)

 

 

 

 

*If any modern corporation purchased the Starship Enterprise, they would retain Spock and Data, identify the rest of the crew as redundant, and terminate them. 😉

 

 

 

 

*Based upon diminishing volume, I should be getting a discount on all my hair cuts.  😉

 

 

 

 

I see where a rogue wave hit a cruise ship recently.

A rogue wave hit me once; she was in the Seabees and could really throw a punch!

 

 

 

 

*If I implemented every extended car warranty I’ve received, I’d be able to drive coast to coast, non-stop for the next five hundred years.

 

 

 

 

*You wouldn’t think anyone who’s lived through a war, several earthquakes, tornadoes, fires and multiple other mishaps would be intimidated by a stubborn pillowcase. 😛

 

 

 

 

*My six-pack has turned into a quarter barrel. 🙂

 

 

 

 

*Father Time is an unwelcome visitor and an unpleasant guest, but there’s no turning him back!  😉

 

 

 

 

*When I get mail I’m not sure how to respond to, I put it aside so I can take a better look at it “later”.

After a sufficient amount of time has passed.. I toss it. 😛

 

 

 

 

*Any new vice or irritating fad will find it’s way to teens; they use it to torment the older folks. That’s how they’re programmed. 😀

 

 

 

*Postings on social media reveal that the internet is not all that we’d hoped it would be. 🙁

 

 

 

*When we are young, we pretend we are old. When we are old, we pretend we are young! 😀

 

 

 

*When I’m tired of winter I spray myself down with insect repellent or rub myself down with sunburn lotion. (Follow this page for more useful hacks)

 

 

 

 

*The one sure thing extraterrestrials will provide, is someone else for humans to pick a fight with.

😉

 

 

 

 

*If I was doing any better they would either pass a law against it or tax it.

(This one is from Joe’s old friend Dave Wagenblatt. Joe and Dave served in the Vietnam War together)

 

 

 

 

*If I was a bird I wouldn’t be hanging around in no tree…I’d be flying my a.. off! 🙂

 

 

 

 

* I was never smart enough to be a crook or a politician. Forgive me if I’ve repeated myself.  😉

 

 

 

 

*If I did five good deeds everyday for the next fifty years, I’d still be in the hole. 😀

 

 

 

 

*The internet has done wonders to improve the character of man. Eh hem. 🙁

 

 

 

 

*I think we do some objectionable stuff out of boredom. (Stir that pot!)

 

 

 

 

*At this point am I still learning…or am I unlearning?

 

 

 

 

*I love the opportunities regarding space exploration. For instance, I think some people should be launched into space…and left there. 😛

 

 

 

 

*I don’t care to be the target of anyone’s anger or criticism; if I do it, however, there must have been a good reason. 😉

 

 

 

 

*I never curse the referee’s when the call benefits my team. 😉

 

 

 

 

*If I didn’t do it this time, why can’t it wait till next time?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

*There’s plenty of fish in the sea; they just don’t like my bait. 😀

 

 

 

*Every week new films, restaurants and various festivals pop up; how’d we spend all our time a hundred years ago?

 

 

 

*I love seeing all the old classic vehicles at car shows. When I remember the condition they were in when I owned them, however, my nostalgia quickly fades. 🙁

 

 

 

*Why do I always feel guilty when I use the “sneak a cup” feature on my coffee pot?

 

 

 

* A bald man purchasing shampoo is an example of long term memory over short term memory. 😛

 

 

 

*VA health care is like Forest Gump’s box of chocolates, you never know what you’re gonna get.

 

 

 

*If Amerigo Vespucci had been named Roberto Vespucci, we would be called Bobbicans?

 

 

 

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