That Dang Spam – (published in Happenings Magazine Smart Reader 3/25/2021)

When Dad wasn’t rolling over jeeps, he enjoyed his Spam

When my dad served in World War II, he became very familiar with the food product known as “Spam”. Described as canned meat, Spam has been called a number of things (not all complimentary) since it’s introduction many years ago. Dad actually didn’t mind the stuff, but my mother wouldn’t allow it in her kitchen under any circumstances. Dad had to get his Spam fix elsewhere after the war.

During my teen years, I worked for Leo Graf, a butcher of German ancestry who owned “Graf’s Sausage Kitchen” on the south side of Kenosha. Leo was a great guy and I learned a lot from him. Leo often remarked that Spam consisted of “everything but the oink”.

Fast forward to the age of the internet. Today “Spam” is the moniker of all those pesky unwanted emails, phone calls, twitters and tweets we receive. We view them with a groan, right before we hit the “delete” button. My cell phone settings filter spam by providing a “Spam Alert” notice whenever one comes in. Nice feature!  (But they still leave a dang voicemail letting me know my vehicle warranty has expired)

I have a website which is a platform for my writing. (namwarstory.com) I also use it to promote Veterans events and causes. I have been fortunate that the website is very popular, averaging around fifty-thousand hits a month or more. My blogs have been most popular and I have a large following who check in and out every day.

But my website also gets it’s share of that nasty old Spam! On any given day, ten to fifteen percent of my website messages are Spam. And that Spam comes in many forms. One of the most frequent this past year has been Covid scam offerings. And cryptocurrency get rich quick schemes of one kind or another come in pretty often.

And, of course, I get the Nigerian money loan scams, where if I would just put-up X number of dollars, I would be reimbursed fifty times over upon completion of the transaction, blah blah blah. My wealth would rival Bezos if half of the schemes I’ve been offered had played out in my favor.

Another form of Spam I get on a daily basis is porn. These requests are usually from someone who wants me to feature their porn on my website. I’m not sure what type of person would feature third party porn on their website, but I’m not one of them. (If so desired, I’ll select that myself, thankyou)

I also get Spam from vacation peddling outfits and website developers. The website developers always inform me how much my advertising profits will increase, once I contract for their service. “Website visits will soar through the roof! Your income will double in no time”. My income from my website cannot double, because it is not monetized, there is no income, except through the sale of my books. I sell enough books to more than pay for the site, and that’s sufficient. The links and causes that I do feature, are all charitable concerns, or offerings from acquaintances and I don’t intend to charge or profit off of any of them.

Some of the Spammers are quite creative in their approach. A couple of months ago, a woman, supposedly from Europe, wanted me to post pictures of her missing brother. The link would be connected to a “Go Fund Me” account. The woman was not very bright, however, as one of the pictures she forwarded as her brother, was none other than the late Joseph Stalin, the infamous leader of the Soviet Union. (Uncle Joe is still a pain in the butt!)

Not surprisingly, many of the scam offers originate in Russia and China. Many are not even in English, so I can’t even laugh at them before deleting.

I also get requests on a daily basis to feature one type of Keto diet or another on my website. If I was such a great believer in Keto diets, I think I would be skinnier.

Well, maybe they’re on to something. 🙂

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